ScrappleFace's Double Whammy

Condi Congratulates Zimbabwe's Mugabe on Reelection
by Scott Ott | ScrappleFace.com

(2005-04-02) -- U.S. Secretary of State Condaleezza Rice today congratulated Robert Mugabe on winning this week's free and fair presidential elections to continue his 25-year rule of Zimbabwe.

"Under Mr. Mugabe's leadership," said Secretary Rice in a written statement, "Zimbabwe has become a recognized world leader in unemployment (70%), inflation (~620%) and HIV adult prevalence rate (33.7%). Thanks to this popular, legally-reelected, leader, the average lifespan of a Zimbabwean has gone from 61 years to 34 years in just the past 15 years, making his nation one of the most rapidly-youthful in the world."

Secretary Rice hailed Mr. Mugabe's leadership as "a textbook case which will be studied in universities around the world for years to come."

In addition to his legal reelection, the 81-year-old Mr. Mugabe's party this week legally won approximately 70 seats in the 150-seat legislature, and he legally will appoint an additional 30 legislators, giving him the two-thirds majority needed legally to re-write the constitution to allow him legally to hand-pick his successor.

As a reelection gift, U.S. Ambassador Joseph Sullivan presented Mr. Mugabe with a bound copy of President George Bush's second inaugural address with this excerpt engraved on the cover.

"All who live in tyranny and hopelessness can know: the United States will not ignore your oppression, or excuse your oppressors. When you stand for your liberty, we will stand with you."

Wolfowitz to End World Bank Funding of Poor Nations
by Scott Ott| ScrappleFace.com

(2005-03-31) -- Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz, headed for almost-certain approval as the new chief of the World Bank, said his first official move would be to withdraw funding to poor nations whose people suffer from a "low quality of life with little hope of recovery".

"I look at some of these impoverished people and think, 'I wouldn't want to live that way'," said Mr. Wolfowitz. "The most merciful thing to do is cut their funding and let these people slip into a peaceful, euphoric state through dehydration and starvation."

The new World Bank chief said he has the authority to deprive poor nations of food and water, since their leaders have been trying to do that for years.